Put that thing down, I know where it's been.

I wish I had the wit that my Shades of Blonde friend has, because if I did this would be more funny and less gross. So, I'm sorry you have to hear it from me.

My sweet little Wild Child is the most disgusting child I have met to date. When she was little and barely walking we had gone to Salt Lake City to visit my family. I already had four little kids by then. The 1st Child was the only one potty trained and needed to use the facilities when we were in Shopko. I wheeled my tandem stroller into the restroom with three kids crammed into it and the 1st Child walking on her own. Helping my oldest to use the toilet I left the others in the stroller just outside the stall. Now, I am a very paranoid mother and have this constant fear that someone will snatch my children if I am not constantly looking at them, so the stall door is open. As the 1st Child is finishing up, I notice that the Wild Child has climbed out of the stroller and is toddling into the next stall. I am helping her big sister off the toilet as fast as I can, then tripping over the stroller trying to get to her before she does something that I will regret. The two seconds that took were not fast enough. I reached her as she is lapping up toilet water like it is a stream in the mountains. Did I mention that Salt Lake City had a Meningitis break out at this time? I am wondering how do you even begin to clean a toddler under these circumstances? Gross!

Flash forward three and half years or so, to tonight. It's Friday night and we still try to go out as a family on this night. Usually dinner and sometimes a home improvement store. Tonight it was just dinner at Bajio's. As typical with 4 kids ranging in age from 4 to 7 years, at some point they all need to use the restroom during dinner and that is ok. The part that is not ok is, on the way home the Wild Child and my Son have taken their shoes off and put them on their hands and are using them to clap, like percussion instruments in a marching band. Next thing I hear from the back seat is the Wild Child proclaiming she is going to lick the bottom of her shoes. Before I can say anything, she has begun doing something that I don't know how to clean. Yuck. We try to explain how gross it is, by telling her that she has probably stepped into "pee" in the restrooms at Bajio's and by doing so has put some really yucky stuff in her mouth. She insists there was no "pee" on the floor. She tells us that she looked and there wasn't any and therefore no need to worry about her licking her shoes. She did stop when we asked, but you can bet when I put her to bed tonight, I did not kiss that girl anywhere near her mouth.