Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Things to come.....

I really am struggling to keep my blog up these days. I have thoughts that I want to put there, yet, there is some fear about doing that. You see when I speak, I rarely have time to think through whether or not I am going to offend someone, but when I write.....well I have way too much time to over think it. Speaking of which, if I have offended you, I am sorry. It was never my intent.

I turned 38 recently and I am re-examining my life. I think that is common for mid-life. So maybe this is part of MY mid-life crisis. I am forming new opinions on things rapidly and changing my perspective on things I have only seen one way for decades. Knowing all this also makes me reluctant to put it all out there. If I were naturally funny, it would be easier. However, I am not. The things that happen around me are what is funny in my life. (My sense of humor is intact.)

So I have decided that without a doubt, I am going to try and have a biological child. Here is where the wording is going to get tricky.......I am not attached to the outcome. It is the trying, err...the effort,......eh.......where is the right word........that I am attached to. (You see what I am saying?) Yes, I want more children, but they don't have to be biological. I have never NEEDED them to be biological. So I am sure you are now asking why would I try for a biological child then. As it turns out, I am not a fan of regret. Nope.....not a fan at all. I am worried that when I am 80 I will look back and REGRET not trying or giving it an honest, no holds barred, try to get pregnant.

So here's the thing, I really would like to blog about this. It is going to be tricky. It is such an emotional, tricky, personal subject, but I want a record of it, and I think it couldn't hurt to have a few outside glimpses of what I am embarking on. So, I will try to be respectful and pleasant and all I ask is please try not to judge me for the wacky thoughts I have or the things I try.

So here is where I am starting. I have recently lost about 30 pounds. It is a good start, but another 50 to 70 would be helpful I am certain. In the mean time I have been reading a few books on the subject. Let's just say that I have been learning things about the female body and the way it works that no one, and I really mean no one, should have to know. One of the authors opinions was that one way, out of about a million, to improve your fertility is to never leave the house with wet hair and always wear a hat when it's cold outside. This should be interesting.......

15 comments:

Krista said...

You know I am having evil thoughts. I will contain myself. Many funny things are coming to mind. I really shouldn't leave comments this late at night. Wait - nope. I won't say it. That's it - I'm starting over.

Krista said...

This was really well written, not in a mechanical sense, but in a very sensitive way. I'm looking forward to hearing more.

orangemily said...

Interesting about the wet hair, I've done that but as of yet it hasn't affected my fertility.
Good luck on this new journey!

Jess said...

You shouldn't worry about offending anyone. This is YOUR blog and you should feel free to write about whatever you want!!
Especially since you are wanting to record this.
(This coming from someone who is constantly worried about what other people think before doing anything she wants!)
But all the more reason I want to tell you to go ahead with it.
I cannot wait to hear about your journey!
Good luck!

The Cotton Wife said...

Break a leg!

No wait...

Um.

Have fun?

:)

Stacy said...

Well you can never offend me! I bow at your feet anyways because I dont think I could ever figure out how you do it with 4 kids and then wanting more! As for the infertility stuff, it is a journey. I was a bit obsessed about it! Eventhough the outcome was not what we wanted, I had a new appreciation for what I DID have and think the whole process was worth trying.

And if you are worried about certain people reading your blog then you can make it private with invite only. I too have left my blog in the dust mostly. It was a lot of fun but I dont have much time for it anymore.

Good luck!

Nancy said...

I can't imagine where you could offend or what anyone could judge in this (of course, I am forgetting that there are those out there who get offended at a pretty nearly everything), but I can only think that reading of anyone's trials and struggles and figuring of things out good or bad in this life seems to give any of us who read it cause for introspection, etc. and that is always good. I am eager to hear about your journey and if it all works out, I will shake my fists at you as you drive around in a new SUV instead of a new giant van :).

Jen said...

Karen, you should write about this journey. Looking back when I was going through it, I wish that I would have written about it. It would have helped me so. Tyring to get pregnant with my triplets, almost broke me, emotionally. It really did. I didn't think that I was going to be survive. But I had no outlet, no where to go with all my feelings. I think that if I would have written, I wouldn't have felt so bad.

So you write. Say what needs to be said, whats in your heart. I will be here to listen and give you nothing but my support and love.

Oh and I totally understand about the NEED to try. Trust me.

cat said...

Oh good luck girl! What a great journey to embark on. And you just write what you feel and want to - it's your blog, if they do not like it they should not read it.

carrielt said...

First off Karen 30 pounds! Great job!!!!

Secondly I will be here for you through this whole deal even if its just through Facebook. I'm always here to lend an ear!

I wish you the very best!

orangemily said...

Oh and I wanted to add (even though you are probably already aware) my personal belief that the Lord works in mysterious ways. Many couples adopt because they are unable to conceive and then later are able to.
As is the case with my birth daughter's parents. They adopted her, then went through the process of in-vitro and had twins and then a "surprise" came along 18 months later (giving them 4 kids under 4).
I passionately believe that the adopted children needed to come to that family, they are meant to be together and most likely if the couple had been able to conceive right off they would not have gone the adoption route.
It is a very personal and emotional process, but I have faith you'll be better for it no matter what the results.

Sissy said...

Wet hair? Really? How did I ever get knocked up?
And don't ever sensor yourself here, it's YOUR blog, screw the thin skinned, Anonymous trolls. I'll never turn my back on you :)

American in Norway said...

This is YOUR blog.. I wouldn't worryabout offending anyone... nd if they do get offended they can jut move along! : ) _ good luck!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Your blog-- your story, what's to be offensive? I think it would be fabulous to take us along for the ride... that could be so misinterpreted ;-)

Oysterblogger said...

I am turning 39 this month and last year I went through a horrendous mid life crisis/insecurity I am glad i am over it! I wonder if it has to do with the big 20 years HS reunion thing because I am only one year away from being forty and am less freaked out than I was last year! Myabe I have finally accepted the end of my thirties ha ha Good Luck!!