I really am struggling to keep my blog up these days. I have thoughts that I want to put there, yet, there is some fear about doing that. You see when I speak, I rarely have time to think through whether or not I am going to offend someone, but when I write.....well I have way too much time to over think it. Speaking of which, if I have offended you, I am sorry. It was never my intent.
I turned 38 recently and I am re-examining my life. I think that is common for mid-life. So maybe this is part of MY mid-life crisis. I am forming new opinions on things rapidly and changing my perspective on things I have only seen one way for decades. Knowing all this also makes me reluctant to put it all out there. If I were naturally funny, it would be easier. However, I am not. The things that happen around me are what is funny in my life. (My sense of humor is intact.)
So I have decided that without a doubt, I am going to try and have a biological child. Here is where the wording is going to get tricky.......I am not attached to the outcome. It is the trying, err...the effort,......eh.......where is the right word........that I am attached to. (You see what I am saying?) Yes, I want more children, but they don't have to be biological. I have never NEEDED them to be biological. So I am sure you are now asking why would I try for a biological child then. As it turns out, I am not a fan of regret. Nope.....not a fan at all. I am worried that when I am 80 I will look back and REGRET not trying or giving it an honest, no holds barred, try to get pregnant.
So here's the thing, I really would like to blog about this. It is going to be tricky. It is such an emotional, tricky, personal subject, but I want a record of it, and I think it couldn't hurt to have a few outside glimpses of what I am embarking on. So, I will try to be respectful and pleasant and all I ask is please try not to judge me for the wacky thoughts I have or the things I try.
So here is where I am starting. I have recently lost about 30 pounds. It is a good start, but another 50 to 70 would be helpful I am certain. In the mean time I have been reading a few books on the subject. Let's just say that I have been learning things about the female body and the way it works that no one, and I really mean no one, should have to know. One of the authors opinions was that one way, out of about a million, to improve your fertility is to never leave the house with wet hair and always wear a hat when it's cold outside. This should be interesting.......
The story of the white tekkies*
3 hours ago