Saturday, February 13, 2010

We meet again....

Based on how I feel today, I am pretty sure there in nothing cooking in my oven. Well other than a toxic combination of hormones resembling a raging case of PMS. No matter how this month turned out, I was going to be happy and sad. Happy to have more time to improve my health and possibly have a quick family vacation to the Happiest Place on Earth. Sad that, once again, I have failed to figure out how to get pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it's more about the failing and less about being pregnant. Then I realize there is some part of me that feels gypped to not have experienced this uniquely female adventure.

Those of you who know me well, know that I lean towards the natural side of medicine. There is a long list of reasons why, but I am not going to get into that today and not likely here anyway. A little disclaimer here though, I am not anti-modern medicine. I believe it has its place and does a lot of good. Back to the topic at hand. I am working on the natural route first. This being because the Rocket Scientist is looking for new employment and we all know how medical insurance can change drastically from one employer to another. So, natural is a good place to start. I have been reading a few books and doing some research. It is believed that I have PCOS. To my understanding the only way to confirm this is with actual pictures of cysts on ovaries. I believe I have enough symptoms that I am just going to assume that is part of the problem.

So, I have been reading about Qi and herbs and the evils of microwave ovens. Seriously....sometimes I wonder if people honestly can do what they write. I am just sayin'. All that said, I think I will try a total body cleanse this coming week, walking for an hour everyday and buying organic as much as possible. That is about as much as I am willing to commit to this week. I still plan to use my microwave to reheat leftovers and use my shower with out a water filter and only sleeping 7 hours at night. (I just haven't figured out how to get one more hour in.)

In the past few days, I have also learned that there are some medications that may be interfering with the goal at hand. So that will need to be addressed.

I'm wondering, for those of you who have struggled with getting pregnant, did it consume your thoughts? It is absurd to me that it is the first thing on my mind in the morning, the thing I dream about, the thing all conversations lead to......? Really, I wouldn't mind thinking about something else.


Jen said...

Yes, every minute of every day, getting pregnant and being pregnant consumed me.

But I think that its only natural that when you want something really, really badly that is all you can think about.

I am going to believe that this will happen for you. And you should too.

Screwed Up Texan said...

I think any time you are having difficulty getting pregnant that it can consume your thoughts.

I worked at a health food store for two years and I can tell you from personal experience that your organic food is going to cost you way more $$$ than regular food. Here is what I would suggest: Eat as much low processed food as you can. IE lay off hotdogs, white sugar and rice, precooked meals, fast food, etc. Go with brown rice, real butter, lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables. That can do a lot more for you and is definitely less expensive. You'll also be more likely to stick to it.

If all else fails I'll be your surrogate. I seriously want to get pregnant again, I just don't want to keep the crying turd.

Krista said...

If we knew what the problem was that was preventing you from getting pregnant we could possibly find answers. I know it's not from a lack of trying! I would have gladly donated my uterus if that's what you needed. You know the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." I hope it happens for you. You're in my thoughts - LOVE YOU!!!

Nancy said...

Oh Karen, I just like you so much. I am sure you are right, that the simply failing at something you are trying to succeed at is just as frustrating as the fact that you aren't pregnant could be itself. You are so great though to be doing all of this natural stuff and really trying because, judging by what you have siad about yourself in the past, I think you will feel peace in the end -- whatever happens -- that you did do what you could. And, I do hope you get to. I worry that being someone who has been able to so easily get pregnant might make me an annoying commentor, but I hope not because I feel for you and this journey. And I want for you to have the experience!

Karen said...

Jen and Krista, Thank you so much for your encouraging words.

Screwed Up Texan, thanks for the tips and you totally crack me up. I have found a few outlets for reasonable priced organic.....just not everything. And fortunately I hate hot dogs....wish I could say the same for white sugar and flour.

Nancy, you could never be annoying. I hold no malice for those who get pregnant easy. There are the moments when I hear of a pregnant teenager that makes me sigh. I am certain if I had tried then, it would have been game on. There is much to be learned here and I will try to be a good student.

Stacy said...

Yes, it consumed my every waking thought. But I don't think that was a bad thing. I was FOCUSED! But this website and especially the forum is where I spent most of my time obsessing and got more information there than any other place.

I also bought the software to chart with. It was immensely helpful with learning what was going on with my cycle.

Amber said...

I too have PCOS. It's not any fun. One thing that seems to have helped with my blood sugar and hormone levels is to eliminate high fructose corn syrup completely from my diet. Despite what the corn refiners of america will have you believe, it is actually horrible stuff. There's no "having it in moderation", because that stuff is in EVERYTHING from yogurt (think all those lovely Yoplait flavors they love to advertise for losing weight) to most breads that are labeled Natural. You have to buy organic to be sure it's not in what you're eating, which can be expensive, and time consuming.

We've been trying for the last several years, and yes, it does consume every thought. We just returned from a vacation at the Happiest Place on Earth, and as much as it's my happy place, this trip, it was also my sad place, because everywhere I looked were mothers and babies. I just want to share the place with my babies too!

We tried the natural route before seeking the help of a reproductive endocrinologist to help first with the PCOS, and then with discussing our options. Unfortunately, during that process, it was discovered that I also have a scarred left fallopian tube from a surgery, so going the natural route would be a sheer act of God for us. Not that that won't happen, but I tend to lean towards the "maybe God exists, but he sure doesn't give a shit whether I get what I want every single day of my life" view of things. So we've done one trial of IVF, which failed. Trying to wrap our heads around a second, but I'm trying to lose some more weight before that happens. Which with PCOS, is like fighting a losing battle.

My blog still gets a ton of hits from you over the Pioneer Woman debacle. I've since taken that blog entry down because it just makes me angry, and I don't need to feel angry. But I do want to thank you for the linking, and the traffic. If you ever want to talk with someone who knows exactly where you are in life, please email me. I'd be happy to listen.

All the very best of luck,


Kara said...

I always had dreams about water and being pregnant shortly before I found out I was pregnant. It's not a fun thing to worry about. At the end of the day know that you are loved and supported. Trying also is a plus...but I don't want the TMI version. Love ya!

O'Bryan Family said...

I too had difficulty getting pregnant but it finally happened after almost 10 years of marriage. And yes it totally consumed me. I had cysts as well but upon tracking my messed up cycle I found out that I simply just did not ovulate. I eventually had to be helped out with Clomid for my first two babies. Then the weird thing was, after my second was 4 years old and we thought we were finished AND we weren't trying AND I was on birth control AND I was not taking Clomid...I GOT PREGNANT! Strange what life throws at you! I wish you all the luck and pray that you will have your "female adventure".

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I thought about it every single day, but it take six years from the time we started until the birth of our children. A long and rocky road and we did end up getting infertility treatments (several) because there were no other way we will ever have gotten pregnant.