We meet again....

Based on how I feel today, I am pretty sure there in nothing cooking in my oven. Well other than a toxic combination of hormones resembling a raging case of PMS. No matter how this month turned out, I was going to be happy and sad. Happy to have more time to improve my health and possibly have a quick family vacation to the Happiest Place on Earth. Sad that, once again, I have failed to figure out how to get pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it's more about the failing and less about being pregnant. Then I realize there is some part of me that feels gypped to not have experienced this uniquely female adventure.

Those of you who know me well, know that I lean towards the natural side of medicine. There is a long list of reasons why, but I am not going to get into that today and not likely here anyway. A little disclaimer here though, I am not anti-modern medicine. I believe it has its place and does a lot of good. Back to the topic at hand. I am working on the natural route first. This being because the Rocket Scientist is looking for new employment and we all know how medical insurance can change drastically from one employer to another. So, natural is a good place to start. I have been reading a few books and doing some research. It is believed that I have PCOS. To my understanding the only way to confirm this is with actual pictures of cysts on ovaries. I believe I have enough symptoms that I am just going to assume that is part of the problem.

So, I have been reading about Qi and herbs and the evils of microwave ovens. Seriously....sometimes I wonder if people honestly can do what they write. I am just sayin'. All that said, I think I will try a total body cleanse this coming week, walking for an hour everyday and buying organic as much as possible. That is about as much as I am willing to commit to this week. I still plan to use my microwave to reheat leftovers and use my shower with out a water filter and only sleeping 7 hours at night. (I just haven't figured out how to get one more hour in.)

In the past few days, I have also learned that there are some medications that may be interfering with the goal at hand. So that will need to be addressed.

I'm wondering, for those of you who have struggled with getting pregnant, did it consume your thoughts? It is absurd to me that it is the first thing on my mind in the morning, the thing I dream about, the thing all conversations lead to......? Really, I wouldn't mind thinking about something else.

Misread....

I first have to say thank you to you all for your words of encouragement. It means more to me than I am able to express.

I was under the impression that the Rocket Scientist was on the same page as me. Now I am wondering how I could have mistaken being male with being on board. I have a cold. It isn't horrid, but it's not comfortable and well I did manage to ovulate all on my own this month. Naturally, we "tried" to get "knocked up." This brings me to, I want to take some medicine for this said cold, but won't risk it on the off chance we actually succeeded. We won't really know for about another week. I am really not counting on succeeding already, but I am not willing to play "Russian Roulette" either. So I am lamenting this dilemma to the Rocket Scientist, which really isn't a dilemma, I already know I am not going to take anything. I just wanted someone to agree with me. Being that he is a "Rocket Scientist" and not a "Woman Scientist" and certainly not an "engineer," this is what he says to me. "Or you can quit trying to get pregnant." (You know I had finally quit being mad 'til I just typed it. ARGH!) Clearly, I mis-read his cooperation in this little exercise.

As my editor was "editing," he mentions that I took the quote out of context. He said he was merely pointing out that everything is a trade off. (My poor keyboard was taking some abuse.) I'll let him off the hook this time.......next time though, I would remind you that you are dealing with a woman with fluctuating hormones. There is no telling how I will take such obvious, logical information.

I love you, RS. Always.....

Things to come.....

I really am struggling to keep my blog up these days. I have thoughts that I want to put there, yet, there is some fear about doing that. You see when I speak, I rarely have time to think through whether or not I am going to offend someone, but when I write.....well I have way too much time to over think it. Speaking of which, if I have offended you, I am sorry. It was never my intent.

I turned 38 recently and I am re-examining my life. I think that is common for mid-life. So maybe this is part of MY mid-life crisis. I am forming new opinions on things rapidly and changing my perspective on things I have only seen one way for decades. Knowing all this also makes me reluctant to put it all out there. If I were naturally funny, it would be easier. However, I am not. The things that happen around me are what is funny in my life. (My sense of humor is intact.)

So I have decided that without a doubt, I am going to try and have a biological child. Here is where the wording is going to get tricky.......I am not attached to the outcome. It is the trying, err...the effort,......eh.......where is the right word........that I am attached to. (You see what I am saying?) Yes, I want more children, but they don't have to be biological. I have never NEEDED them to be biological. So I am sure you are now asking why would I try for a biological child then. As it turns out, I am not a fan of regret. Nope.....not a fan at all. I am worried that when I am 80 I will look back and REGRET not trying or giving it an honest, no holds barred, try to get pregnant.

So here's the thing, I really would like to blog about this. It is going to be tricky. It is such an emotional, tricky, personal subject, but I want a record of it, and I think it couldn't hurt to have a few outside glimpses of what I am embarking on. So, I will try to be respectful and pleasant and all I ask is please try not to judge me for the wacky thoughts I have or the things I try.

So here is where I am starting. I have recently lost about 30 pounds. It is a good start, but another 50 to 70 would be helpful I am certain. In the mean time I have been reading a few books on the subject. Let's just say that I have been learning things about the female body and the way it works that no one, and I really mean no one, should have to know. One of the authors opinions was that one way, out of about a million, to improve your fertility is to never leave the house with wet hair and always wear a hat when it's cold outside. This should be interesting.......